First Post

So I wanted to go ahead and get the first post out of the way. I suppose this journal of sorts will include the deep amazing thoughts of the mind of a 2010 poet/young adult. This time that we live in right now is just uncontrolled to me. This society needs some sort of order. If not for the half way decent parenting of some people I'd probably be surrounded by apes and monkeys. I'm not saying I didn't have a little bit of a temper myself in the past. But people these days are incredibly disoriented. You turn on the news and here we go once more. It's like our society has become quite used to all of this rampant disorder. The kids these days act like they want to be 20 at the age of 12. I can't tell a 12 year old from a 17 year old at all anymore. Reality television has taken over our lives and our living rooms. I thank the Lord I was a 90's kid. I could not handle all this Hannah Montana and Jonas and blah blah! Good Lord! I need a little refuge sometimes and just want to look at an old Blossom or California Dreams episode. Gosh darn were the nineties something! I swear the air even smelled better then. But it might of just been my child hood and all the simpleness of youth I'm remembering. But these days I feel like I'm not even living here. I mean I'm living here but then that's the only choice. Mars is too far and I'm uncertain of what is there. When you get to be my age(lol! sound like a old person). But I think when you get to the time when your twenties are counting down your brain starts getting wiser. I'm not saying that everyone gets that way. But people who really are more than Friday nights and Monday mornings probably start thinking a lot more in this way. I've always been a huge thinker. Even when I didn't want to think I was thinking. My mind is in why this and why that mode twenty four seven. Other times God's in my ear. God is always in my ear. I believe if I wasn't a believer my life would be screwed. I'm alwayssss praying! Always praying every single minute! I pray before I leave the house, sleep, when I wake up and on and on and on. I love God. But I'm sure God wants to smack me in the face a couple times a day just like the family. I'm always saying I'm sorry God. Then I cry and pray he forgives me. Good Lord! God is like the ultimate therapist for me. I talk to him sooo much and just ask him to give me guidance and help me to not be so selfish. I have a real problem with selfishness. It probably comes from my fathers side. I don't know too much about him so I'm sure some of these not so desirable attributes of myself are from Daddy Dearest. I really don't know how I feel about the father thing though. I know when I was younger I was sad and crying and wondering. But now I feel nothing. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. I feel like life happened. I have my mom, my sister, and my brother. This is the present. This is fate. What if I did grow up with my father? Wouldn't that change the order of every single situation in my whole life? Would that be for good or bad? You never know. You can't know. So just accept the way things turned out. Yeah life was a little rocky and dysfuntional. But you made it through. Isn't that someting? Yeah your journey is still ongoing. But you've had some good times and learned some very valuable lessons. Life is tough but life is living. So live tough! I guess I'll cut this one off at that.