Love- A Poem

love is beautiful

love is kind

love is eternal

love is divine

love is passionate

love is pure

love makes you whole

love is secure

love isn't empty

love doesn't take

love is a word

you should never forsake

Today-A Poem

Another day

Another moment

To cherish all that we are given

Take no time to squabble over petty things while you are living

Be alive and trust in hope

Find the peace inside your soul

Let go of past sorrows felt

Find happiness in growing old

Breathe the air and cease the day

Moments pass by like the wind

You must realize your fortune

It may never come again

So find yourself

Find your meaning

Make mistakes and rise again

You are strong

Lean on your faith

Do not let your journey end

Find the words within your heart

Let them out for ears to hear

This is your day

Come what may

Make life sacred while you are here.

New Poem

So I like to write songs and poems. It calms my mind and helps me to relax. So I'm gonna write a random poem to get my juices going for today.

You're just a copy of a book I read

You're just a line a verse someone has said

Nothing you say is what you really feel

Do you even know what it means to be real

You play so sweetly but your heart is cold

Still searching for the lost part of your soul

I couldn't handle all your reasons why

I guess that's why I had to say bye bye

No I'm not perfect but my eyes could see

You and me weren't ever meant to be

So I just left it and just walked away

Took a chance to find a brand new day

Some days I cried because I missed your face

But I know these tears will fade away

Gotta let go of all the memories

Me and you just have to let it be

I look at pictures with smiles on our lips

But broken moments changed what they present

I can't let go but time will surely help

To let me find that lost piece of myself

I dream about you and it haunts me so

But I must move on and just let it go

Bored, Bored, Bored

Wow this summer has been booooooring with a capital B+! Ummmm....The heat has been a strain on everyone I'm sure! It has been so hot that I sweat most nights and have had terrible insomnia. I stay awake until probably 4 a.m. in the morning and then somehow get to sleep by 5:00 a.m. Then when I finally wake up by that afternoon I'm just wondering... When did I fall alseep exactly? Oh the summer heat has been bad for our computer too. Not the lap top but the desktop has been working then not working then working and not working. It's because I we turn off and unplug mostly everything in the daytime to save energy so then it's hot and the computer gets overheated. So then at around 5 pm we turn some things back on (like the Air Conditioner) and make it cold and then the computer comes back on. I have to make the room especially chilly to make the computer come on and function properly. But I've been feeling great and healthy so I really can't complain can I? Life has it's ups and downs and we all have to face them. I'm sure the ups are on their way. Happy Blogging!

Various Ramblings

Irish accents are so hot. (Crosses fingers) I wish for Colin Farrell to show up on my door step and propose marriage. lol. Just jokin. Colin Farrell probably has too many freakin problems for me. Here's another interesting topic. Why is that talking in vulgarities makes you an adult? People seem to think using bad language is okay because they're of age. Ummmm...no. It just makes you look more ignorant to me. Of course there are times when you're very angry and you do slip up. But for some people these words are in every sentence they say. For someone to use nothing but bad words to express their feelings shows me that they're not too intelligent. Some people say f just to say f. I find it very disturbing that our society embraces this. It's in our movies and music all over. God help this world. Anyways I haven't been writing as much as I'd like to be and it's irritating me so I'm trying to get back. I've been lookin all over my attic for old CD's with files on them. Errrrrrr! I'm trying to find that music video and documentary/interview I made for Video Editing Class! And I'm trying to find an old Cd from TV Production. Been looking in the hot hot attic and burning and sweating and still haven't found anything! I won't give up though I know I will find these things! I've also been praying to God everyday that my kidneys come back on! I really don't want a transplant. I believe God will heal me and fix my kidneys so they work once more. God can do anything and so I will continue to pray to him and believe he will heal my kidneys! Amen!

The Gulf Coast Oil Spill

Day 73. Yes we are on day 73 for all of you who haven't been keeping up with the Oil Spill in the Gulf Coast. This is making me beyond angry. The mere fact that our water is being polluted for days upon days and we have no say in it. They throw chemical dispersant's in our water and we have no say in it. They had no plan for such a spill. They just drilled and drilled and hoped nothing would happen! Their comapny made 500 billion dollars in profit the first quarter alone and they had no plan for an Oil Spill???!!! F them f them f them.! Obviously oil makes the world go round. Everybody uses it. But just because a lot of people use it and want it doesn't mean they don't want you to be careful while getting it. I'm sure everyone would agree on this. Just because something is in demand doesn't mean you have to throw safety and caution aside just to get it. Nobody wants the animals and the water to be polluted just for some goddamn oil! I don't even like them drilling in the water in the first place. But I understand oil is needed. All I'm saying is if you're gonna be drilling in the freakin waters where the freakin fish and sealife live take proper precaution you careless mo-fos! If I was doing something that involved the freakin fish and wildlife I'd be so freakin careful you wouldn't believe! But for a company that made 500 billion dollars in profit the first quarter to make such a mistake is beyond ridiculous! Shouldn't have even happened! 500 billion dollars! 500 billion dollars! I must repeat this! With that much freakin money you could've had 20 plans and a backup plan for the twenty plans! F them F them F them! This is beyond stupid! This is beyond wrong! God help this world and its greedy ways! No care for the innocent wildlife and the people who's way of life is oysters, fish, shrimp, craw fish. Generations upon generations! These companies could care less about the citizens of this world. It is shameful and despicable. Our water may be ruined forever. God knows what this has done to the marine life and the wildlife. This has made me beyond angry. What a disgusting careless world we live in when all people care about is money and profit! Nature comes dead last on the list. They don't value the creations that God has given us. All they care about are their mansions and big jets. Their yachts and their fancy living. They take from nature and destroy it all at the same time. I really must pray for humanity. I don't know how anyone could be so heartless.

Various Rambling

Okay so I was talking to the older guy I met yesterday about Michelle. I asked him for advice on the situation. He talked about his experiences with his friend and said that some things that friends fight over are so trivial and you really shouldn't let things like that get in the way of a good friendship. I really don't know if me and Michelle really had a "good friendship." We both really were rather distant towards one another. Although we hung out like all the time we still were unsure around one another. I felt that. I wonder if that is fixable? We were friends for like three years. In those three years we did have some good times. We had some great conversations and it kind of felt like we were family. I feel like we had a lot in common. But then I also feel like there were a lot of things that both of us were annoyed by. She probably was annoyed by some of my childish ways, some of my selfishness, my procastination, my mood swings, etc. But I'm trying to change a lot of that because I myself am annoyed by it. I know I was annoyed by the fact that her Dad had to be involved in everything. I don't hate him or anything like that. It's just that most young adults don't hang out with their Dads like all the time. Nothing is wrong with having a close relationship with your parent. But when it becomes kind of over excessive then it is a problem to me. So I was rationalizing whether or not our friendship is worth saving. I keep wondering if she's thinking the same thing. I don't know. It seems like she probably thinks I was the problem the whole time. I can be annoying it's true. I think it was 50/50. In a situation involving two parties both share the blame in my opinion. We both have some rather unsettling attributes about us. And I felt that a lot of the time we didn't say what we really wanted to say to one another. I also feel like I possibly took advantage of her kindness. But then again I don't think she understood my life completely. I feel as though we came from two different worlds. And then there was the whole "Black, Black, Black" thing. Good Lord did that annoy me! I feel like I need to just pack my bags and move to California. I'm sort of a hippie and I just want all the races to join together as one. There is so much multicultrism in California I'd probably be overwhelmed. But I'm sure I wouldn't like living there cause I love living in the South for some odd reason. I guess it's the simplicity of it all. But then there's the utter and ridiculous racism that I loathe! I don't like the seperation and the groups. I don't like Black people just looking out for Black people and White people just looking out for White people. I think everyone should like and care about people no matter the color of their skin. It just irks me that so many people just like people because of their skin color. That just irritates me so much! I hate these stereotypes and these thoughts of how someone is portrayed because of the color of their skin! It really annoys me. And so many people I know no matter their skin color do this. Plus people think that I want to be White because of the music I listen to, or they way I speak, or the way I act. This is sooooo stupid! Why is it that Blackness is defined by what music you like, the way you talk, and even the food you eat? Huh? Huh? What? That is so idiotic and ignorant it is beyond me! I came out of my mother's womb Black! That defines me as Black in my opinion. My Mom is Black. My Dad was Black. I'm Black! End of story! I do not have to prove that to anyone by listening to ridiculous garbage that demeans women and supports materialism. I don't have to prove it to anyone by talking in a the manner that people think all Black people talk like. I just want to be a person. That's all I am. Yes I am a Black person. Big deal! I like my Black skin and my Black hair. I like who I am. So why must the world and society ask for more? But alas, I must define myself and not let the ignorant words of people hold me back from being who I want to be. Society is so cloned and fake. People want you to fall into the systematic ways of things. They don't want you to be an individual or be someone unique. They want you to be a clone of your race or your age type. It is sickening how I can't even find that many people who aren't just like someone else. Everyone always falls into a type or a stereotype. Why,why,why! I don't know. This is just the way things are. I know unique people exist in this world and I should set out to find them. There's no need to dwell on the way things are.Just focus on who I am and my future.

Organization

Well I talked to Susan yesterday about the school I want to go to in Nashville. Well she said that she thought I should just go to the U of M. I said that everyone goes there and I wanted to go somewhere different where no one knows me. But then she said she didn't think it was such a good idea. So I guess she may be right. She said going to Nashville would make things a bit more complicated and I'd have to change a lot. She said it'd be better to just go to the U of M. So I'm debating it in my head. She's probably right. But I still have to get everything organized to go to school. I need to check out the U of M's film classes and writing classes. I also need to get my credits and other things. I was thinking about the guy I met yesterday all day and all night. Weird that I like older guys sooo much. But I really don't think he was into me at all really. Anyways my script is coming along nicely. It's not the best, but it's something. I hope the next script I write is really great. The script I'm writing now kind of reminds me of a TV show and not a movie. I don't know if I could write a script for a TV show. They last for seasons. I like to write something and stop. If I were writing for a TV show I'd have to write like every week. I just want to write movie scripts and get done with one and start on another. Movies end. TV shows might or they might last for years. It would be good income but I like to go from one project to another. So I'm trying to get my room completely organized. I hate stuff being all over the place. I need to keep writing and disorganization makes it hard. So I'm cleaning and organizing everything today. I'm going to make a schedule for myself and organize what I need and everything like that.

Guys and Rejection

Well I met a very nice guy today. He seemed smart, wise, and sweet. I really liked him a lot. I've never talked to someone so much on the first time meeting them. He's 47 which I think is pretty hot. I don't know why but I like older guys. It just seems like they have it more together and are more knowledgeable about everything. Most young guys only care about sex and beer. Just talking to him was nice. He seemed like the kind of person I'd really like to date. I don't know. There's something about older guys that I'm just attracted to. Maybe it's because they've already made their mistakes and have become much more wise from all of it. I probably sounded like a seventeen year old to him though. I really hate the fact that I still have a childish manner about myself. I bet I sound pretty annoying to people. I must find a way to fix this. Well, he gave me his cell phone number and I asked him if I could call him cause I liked talking to him. He said it was okay to call him. Well I did. Like an hour later I called him up. He said he was doing business. What a doof! I feel like a complete moron messing with people while they're working. I should have waited sooner. But I really liked talking to him cause it just felt like I knew him already. He probably thinks I'm a chatty kid. A chatty annoying kid. I feel so ridiculous for calling him. He said he would call back and didn't. I've been waiting for like five hours for my phone to ring. I should have just left it alone. But I thought just maybe he might like me cause he called me beautiful. He was probably just being nice. I don't know. Should I call him back? I'd probably feel even stupider. This is why I'm just trying to focus on my career for now. Guys are confusing and scary. When you do like one you always fear being rejected by them. I'm just going to focus on getting all my stuff in order to go to school. I'm sad about today but life must go on. I'm sure there's a guy out there for me but the fear of rejection will always make me scared to actually tell someone I like them. I don't know. I have to figure this out or I'll end up an old maid. But being rejected is so humiliating and painful I'm scared to try. Please God help me with this. I need your support to go out there and find someone to spend the rest of my life with. Give me strength God. Help me to be strong in this search for happiness. It's hard dealing with rejection but I'm going to have to face up to it soon if I want to find somebody.

Quote Of The Day

Humility Quotes, Sayings about Egotism, Conceit, Being Humble: "Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. ~Malcolm S. Forbes"