Various Rambling

Okay so I was talking to the older guy I met yesterday about Michelle. I asked him for advice on the situation. He talked about his experiences with his friend and said that some things that friends fight over are so trivial and you really shouldn't let things like that get in the way of a good friendship. I really don't know if me and Michelle really had a "good friendship." We both really were rather distant towards one another. Although we hung out like all the time we still were unsure around one another. I felt that. I wonder if that is fixable? We were friends for like three years. In those three years we did have some good times. We had some great conversations and it kind of felt like we were family. I feel like we had a lot in common. But then I also feel like there were a lot of things that both of us were annoyed by. She probably was annoyed by some of my childish ways, some of my selfishness, my procastination, my mood swings, etc. But I'm trying to change a lot of that because I myself am annoyed by it. I know I was annoyed by the fact that her Dad had to be involved in everything. I don't hate him or anything like that. It's just that most young adults don't hang out with their Dads like all the time. Nothing is wrong with having a close relationship with your parent. But when it becomes kind of over excessive then it is a problem to me. So I was rationalizing whether or not our friendship is worth saving. I keep wondering if she's thinking the same thing. I don't know. It seems like she probably thinks I was the problem the whole time. I can be annoying it's true. I think it was 50/50. In a situation involving two parties both share the blame in my opinion. We both have some rather unsettling attributes about us. And I felt that a lot of the time we didn't say what we really wanted to say to one another. I also feel like I possibly took advantage of her kindness. But then again I don't think she understood my life completely. I feel as though we came from two different worlds. And then there was the whole "Black, Black, Black" thing. Good Lord did that annoy me! I feel like I need to just pack my bags and move to California. I'm sort of a hippie and I just want all the races to join together as one. There is so much multicultrism in California I'd probably be overwhelmed. But I'm sure I wouldn't like living there cause I love living in the South for some odd reason. I guess it's the simplicity of it all. But then there's the utter and ridiculous racism that I loathe! I don't like the seperation and the groups. I don't like Black people just looking out for Black people and White people just looking out for White people. I think everyone should like and care about people no matter the color of their skin. It just irks me that so many people just like people because of their skin color. That just irritates me so much! I hate these stereotypes and these thoughts of how someone is portrayed because of the color of their skin! It really annoys me. And so many people I know no matter their skin color do this. Plus people think that I want to be White because of the music I listen to, or they way I speak, or the way I act. This is sooooo stupid! Why is it that Blackness is defined by what music you like, the way you talk, and even the food you eat? Huh? Huh? What? That is so idiotic and ignorant it is beyond me! I came out of my mother's womb Black! That defines me as Black in my opinion. My Mom is Black. My Dad was Black. I'm Black! End of story! I do not have to prove that to anyone by listening to ridiculous garbage that demeans women and supports materialism. I don't have to prove it to anyone by talking in a the manner that people think all Black people talk like. I just want to be a person. That's all I am. Yes I am a Black person. Big deal! I like my Black skin and my Black hair. I like who I am. So why must the world and society ask for more? But alas, I must define myself and not let the ignorant words of people hold me back from being who I want to be. Society is so cloned and fake. People want you to fall into the systematic ways of things. They don't want you to be an individual or be someone unique. They want you to be a clone of your race or your age type. It is sickening how I can't even find that many people who aren't just like someone else. Everyone always falls into a type or a stereotype. Why,why,why! I don't know. This is just the way things are. I know unique people exist in this world and I should set out to find them. There's no need to dwell on the way things are.Just focus on who I am and my future.